By Mary Lynn van Dijk
With input from Amor, Irene, and Jane
Last 27 November 2022, after our usual Fourth Sunday Mass, we gathered in the Sint Antoniuszaal to partake of warm drinks and snacks before the socio-cultural event started. Just like in previous years, Father Marcel gave a workshop. This year, the workshop would be on Effective Communication because the Board members decided that we all need to know how to effectively communicate, particularly to avoid having conflicts with each other.
Father Marcel welcomed us and he talked about the importance of being able to communicate clearly. From his PowerPoint presentation, the first question was:
Why get training in (effective) communication?
Because it helps us to improve our communication with others, and helps mitigate conflicts more efficiently, or helps to avoid having conflicts in the first place.
According to Father Marcel, there are three major means of communication, and these are verbal, that is communication with words; non-verbal, communication without using words, and includes using signs, cues, codes, visual communication, etc.; and written communication.
To improve our communication with others, we need to listen. We also have to try to be clear and concise. Sometimes it helps to write things down, and to be descriptive, and not interpretative. But most of all, before speaking up, we must think. Two ways to transfer information is by the direct or indirect way.
Whichever means of communication we may want to use, there are three critical components, namely: (1) Sending the Message, (2) Receiving the Message, and (3) the Medium through which the message is sent or received.
Also, we should always keep in mind when we are communicating that: 10% of conflicts is due to difference in opinion, but 90% due to delivery and tone of voice.
To put all these into practice, Father Marcel asked some people to come and sit back to back. One person was to give instructions to the other person to draw something on a piece of paper, while the first person themselves drew the same thing. When Father Marcel asked couples to do the exercise, Rainer Horn drew almost exactly the same picture as his wife, Susan, drew. Same with Lovella and Lennart van der Weiden. Couples, it seems, tend to effectively communicate with each other.
Then Father Marcel asked a few women to come in front and form a line. The first in the line was given a message to pass on to the next person who would pass on the message to the next person and so on until the last person received the message. When the exercise was over, the last person in the line was asked what the message was that the first person in the line conveyed. Almost always the message becomes distorted, which made it all very funny, making everybody in the room laugh. Irene, Rena, Marissa, Sheryll, Neneng, Arlyn and Margie participated in this message relay exercise.
This exercise proved that there was something very important that we should remember, and that is, meaning could be lost in the process of passing on messages.
Furthermore, for communication to be effective, if the message is not clear, the receiving person should seek clarification and ask. To find out if the message has been received, and received well, the one communicating should ask for feedback.
It was a very informative, fun workshop. Thank you, Father Marcel!
To summarize:
- Communication is vital for all forms of relationships.
- The more effective the communication, the better the understanding of the message.
- Effective communication reduces chances of conflicts in relationships.
- Listening, clarification and feedback are vital elements of effective communication.
Here are some photographs taken during the workshop.
